Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Traveling by mule vs. taking Amtrak. It’s a toss-up.

I used to be under the impression that taking the train was efficient. I no longer hold that belief. I have been sitting in a station for the past 3 hours waiting for a train that looks like it may never come. How many things can possibly go wrong? I suppose the engine could go down but if 1000’s of airplanes can fly around the globe without an engine failure it seems that a few locomotives that aren’t suspended in mid-air could be similarly reliable. Is an entire flock of spotted owls perched on the track? I would love to know. Fortunately I have taken advantage of this gift of time to keep everyone updated with the minutiae of my life. Now, if I could just upload this work of genius I would be happy. I could take advantage of Cingular’s incredibly generous offer of 24 hours of internet access for the rock bottom price of $9.95 (only at a single location mind you) but I think I will pass. It is more than a little chintzy to demand 10 bucks then limit the accessibility to one station. If I had to spend 24 hours at ANY Amtrak station I think I would commit seppuku in the coffee shop before I could get my money’s worth.

I was just informed that the delay is due to the malfunction of a train bound to Boston from Miami. According to the conductor the Miami/Boston route is quite popular with Miamians traveling north. Have these people slept through the past 100 years of technological progress and missed the aerospace revolution? Maybe they are all just acrophobic. My bet is this, they’re all really, really, old and for some reason taking the train brings them back to the days when they rode their rock-wheeled tricycle to go pick up more bear meat from the cave. Those trains undoubtedly stink of meatloaf and BenGay. I bet if you looked hard enough you could see the Reaper himself peeping around the corners, just looking for the next coronary. OK, I apologize to the aged among us. The trains not running on time is certainly not your fault (But I bet you can remember the time when they did run on time, huh? That Mussolini, he could do anything!).

The next time I have to travel I think I might take some more modern (and reliable) form of travel, like a hot air balloon or a rickshaw. It would undoubtedly be faster.

1 Comments:

Blogger Ashley said...

I would say the best idea is to take a plane from now on! Especially Northwest, because they have the best flight attendants around! Just a tip!

1:24 AM  

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