Tuesday, February 21, 2006

My Head is Going to Pop off of My Neck

I am now convinced that the world continues to revolve about it’s axis IN SPITE of the efforts of the majority of humanity. I have been bombarded recently with scary stories of how people in power have demonstrated their absolute inability to grasp the patently obvious. Let me step back here and say that, although I am about to lambaste the majority of the human race, I DO NOT engage in the type of intellectual pretension endemic to the people who usually make these proclamations. I am simply relating facts…

First, how do KNOWN terrorists consistently keep escaping from prison? Seriously, first it was from Guantanamo and then Yemen, and now Pakistan. Initially, I thought the first was the worst until I thought about it and realized that in the latter two the inmates have probably been beaten so badly they could hardly walk out let alone run. If we keep up this bang up job of prison security Amnesty International can hang up their hats, everyone will have walked out of those dens of human rights abuses before they can have their 40th protest this week. I am PRAYING they let them escape for some higher order intelligence gathering purposes but I think this hope may be in vain.

I have been trying to obtain contacts for the past several week (Actually, right now I am without contacts or glasses which has the negative effect of about, oh, 8 beers on my driving yet has the positive effect of the same number of beers on my view of women at the gym). I have been trading phone calls with the office until I finally reached them. Here is the text of the conversation..

Hello, my name is “Gold” and I would like to have the prescription filled that I received from Dr. X in your office last month.

Her: Ummmm…didn’t we have this conversation before?

Me: Yes, I previously called and inquired about how much my insurance would cover and told you I would get back to you.

Her: Oh. I see.

Me: So, I’m getting back to you and I’d like to order the contacts.

Her: So you would like to order the contacts now?

What I wish I said

Me: No, I want to sing along to the Mr. Ed theme track and then say Fuck the Contacts and ask you out to dinner.

What I saidI

Me: That’s right. I’d like to order them.

Her Oh, do you have your prescription?

Me: No, I was under the impression you had that

(What I was thinking: Because the FUCKING DOCTORS OFFICE IS 2 STEPS AWAY FROM WHERE YOU ARE SITTING).

Her: Um, you’d have to go and get that from them and bring it here.

Me: Just so I understand you completely, you want me to drive down there, walk 4 feet behind you, pick up a piece of paper and give it to you? That’s what you are saying, correct?

Her: …………..

Me: Hello?

Her: Oh, I will get it.

Me: That’s great, when can I pick up the eyeglasses.

Her: Before we can place the order through your insurance you have to come in to sign a HIPA form.

Me: You’re kidding right.

Her: No, it’s federal law to protect your health information.

Me: Who the hell is looking for my contact lens prescription, the communists? Seriously, has the Shining Path somehow been revived and plan on extorting money from me lest they tell the world I am half blind?

Her: Shining? No, this has nothing to do with your vision, it’s just the law.

Me: I’ll see you tomorrow.

I know I am impatient and I am working on that. In the end, I had to bite it and drive to the store, to lay down a signature to protect my “health privacy” (which by the way is a load of bullshit. I’ve dated medical students and they break that violation about once an hour. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “Did you see Mr. XX’s wang? Or, that old man needed a genital shave”).

Back to my point, the world is falling apart. We see it in decisions regarding cartoons (I don’t need to comment on that), the FISA court (It’s a rubber stamp court yet we STILL need to bypass it), and Intelligent Design (The recent decisions are actually one of the few things giving me faith in humanity). I hope each and everyone of the people who read this decide to do something about the crap that’s loaded on you by humanity today (and everyday). The less we take now the less we’ll have to deal with later.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post my man. I have another person you could put in there:

The Rev. Fred Phelps

DC

10:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The town I live in has decided to spend a crap load of money on an electronic system which reads license plates at high speeds. It then gives people another ticket if they have more outstanding tickets motor vehicle fines. Instead of fixing a poor outdated system - ie. - take the freaken car and sell it at auction if the tickets are not paid. No, let's continue to throw more money at a problem and see if it gets fixed....

Maybe once all the signs are in Japanese, the main laguage is changed to Spanish, and everyone reads in Kling-on then maybe things will be put back together and done right. Then again -I may be asking for too much also...

-Your friend up North.

2:45 PM  

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