Note to Burger King: Creepy Plastic People Do Not Make Great Spokesmen

I don’t know what Burger King was thinking but the new plastic/serial killer “King” they have hawking their burgers is like Deep Woods Off for customers. In case you haven’t seen it most commercials involve a guy waking up and strolling out of bed to the sound of rapping at his window. Upon opening the curtains he sees what looks like some combination of the killer from “Valentine”, Mike Meyers from “Halloween” , and that creepy ass plastic family from the Duracell commercials (I think people actually went back to wind powered radios after those ads). Now, the king is holding a sandwich and the guy just smiles and opens the window. This is totally ridiculous. If some huge plastic guy (He has to be huge, he’s tall enough to be head level with this guy’s window) dressed as a king with a maniacal look on his face (see above) came to my window in the morning the last thing I would be doing is eating the chicken sandwich, it’s way, way too early for that. It would be much more realistic if he showed up with a croissan’wich, some French toast sticks or maybe even that new breakfast whopper that has so many calories you actually don’t have to eat for an entire month after gulping one down (Supposedly it’s made specifically for people who want to hibernate as well as the entire mid-west).

Of course I think everyone’s realistic reaction would be to go a messin' right in their Garanimals. That would be followed by screaming like a 4 year old then, to complete the emasculation, cowering under the bed. This probably doesn’t play with the general public but I guess it doesn’t matter to the fast food fanatics. Those fatties who eat Burger King all the time probably wouldn't mind if Jack the Ripper showed up in the dark as long as he brought them a few onion rings. Who came up with this feat of marketing brilliance? What did the meeting involve? “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s come up with a character that will make people flee from the television whenever he appears; maybe they'll run to Burger King.”? Sometimes I worry whether or not I'll be able to make it in the "real world" then I see something like this and realize that I should have the nuclear launch codes in a manner of minutes once I graduate. Here is some totally unsolocited advice for the Burger King marketing department.

To attract men: Chicken Sandwich on semi-naked hot chick.

To attract women: Chicken Sandwich on semi-naked hot chick but imply that she
got that way by eating the chicken sandwich.

To attract children: Toy included. Food does not matter.

To attract mid-westerners: Deep fry the chicken sandwich. Include vat of
Crisco© brand shortening that can be used as fry dip.

Should Burger King require my obvious marketing genius please feel free to contact me via the blog.